What a weekend. All four boys here with us and energies ran high. I feel like I need a week to recover.
It’s hard being a mom to tween/teen boys.
Even harder being a part-time mom.
It’s a sensitive time.
They are so impressionable and easily angered.
I’m so not equipped for this.
I am a woman.
Obviously not a man. I was never a young boy.
I try so hard to be a good mom and to be fair, open, honest and give my boys the space and room to grow and mature.
Yet each and every other weekend I fail.
This is harder than I imagined. If I even imagined it at all. I mean how could I? No one prepares you for this.
Divorce. Shared parenting. Or at least that is what some are fortunate enough to have. I am not that lucky. My ex-husband calls all the shots with his new wife and I am left to observe from the outside.
I feel so insignificant, but I told myself I would no longer allow myself to feel guilty.
There is time. Time to be had. Time that will come when they are older. This is not the end all be all of my mothering duties. They will need me and want me beyond all this.
Yet I am here… struggling. Saddened by the fact that I am not with them everyday, despite the choices and decisions that were made.
Despite my new life and family.
I should be happy, but somehow I am not.