The space between

What a weekend. All four boys here with us and energies ran high. I feel like I need a week to recover.

It’s hard being a mom to tween/teen boys.

Even harder being a part-time mom.

It’s a sensitive time.

They are so impressionable and easily angered.

I’m so not equipped for this.

I am a woman.

Obviously not a man. I was never a young boy.

I try so hard to be a good mom and to be fair, open, honest and give my boys the space and room to grow and mature.

Yet each and every other weekend I fail.

This is harder than I imagined. If I even imagined it at all. I mean how could I? No one prepares you for this.

Divorce. Shared parenting. Or at least that is what some are fortunate enough to have. I am not that lucky. My ex-husband calls all the shots with his new wife and I am left to observe from the outside.

I feel so insignificant, but I told myself I would no longer allow myself to feel guilty.

There is time. Time to be had. Time that will come when they are older. This is not the end all be all of my mothering duties. They will need me and want me beyond all this.

Yet I am here… struggling. Saddened by the fact that I am not with them everyday, despite the choices and decisions that were made.

Despite my new life and family.

I should be happy, but somehow I am not.

 

 

 

 

About mommymetamorphosis

Redeemed. Lucky wife. Crunchy. Organic Mama of 2 boys, 2 step sons, one Little Flower and are newest Little Gem. In my previous life I was a yogi, runner, artist, dreamer, believer of all things purple! Now I'm a cloth diapering fanatic, early homeschooling mama, who tends to leave the house with spit-up somewhere on my person. I have been keeping a journal since I was a kid, but I never let anyone read it... so this should be interesting!
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3 Responses to The space between

  1. Ummmm. Not for nothing, but how does any of that equate that you “should be happy”? We all live in our own bubbles, our own little petri dishes of love and baggage and stress and horror and laughter. Feeling like you ought to be happy compared to those who are in truly horrific circumstances isn’t fair to you. Those ten years of tween/teen hood are HARD to live through and HARDER to shepherd. I wish you the very greatest of patience and love as you do your best. That’s all we can do!

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